New Star Wars Script

J.J. Abrams: New Star Wars Script was Leaked by Actor

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Notorious Trekkie and TV show ruiner, J.J. Abrams says that the script for Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker leaked onto eBay because of a “careless” actor. 

The director of several Star Trek Movies and video games, as well as the space opera trilogy accidentally bearing the name “Star Wars”, told Good Morning America on Monday that one of the actors on left their script under the bed in their hotel room.

“One of our actors, I won’t say which one — I want to, but I won’t — left it under their bed and it was found by someone who was cleaning their place,” Abrams told the audience. “And it was given to someone else, who then went to sell it on eBay.”

A person working at Disney picked it up and, instead of wiping their posterior with it – as would be proper and seemly, thought to make a few bucks. Sadly, Lucasfilm “got it back before it sold.”

Abrams said the film was just completed on Sunday. The notorious Spock-lover was working on “polishing” the movie up until the last minute, allegedly trying to make the latest fake Star Wars sequel as perfect as possible. This seems an oxymoronic contradiction in terms. 

Even though Abrams won’t reveal which actor accidentally almost did us all a favor and revealed just how much the newest sequel is going to suck, we can make some guesses. Considering that supporting actors aren’t typically given full scripts on such secretive shootings – the secretive part being the exact magnitude of the movie’s crappiness, the Star Wars script was leaked probably by one of the main actors. 

I would like to hope that the script leaking was not accident, but an intentional act, brought on by the huge weight of a consciousness heavy with guilt over ruining something amazing. 

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